"The Story"

Feb. 16, 2011

As a mother of 5, life has presented many challenges in the parenting arena over the years, but few have come close to the story behind this blog.  My hope / goal / dream would be that these words would provide some hope, peace, awareness and comfort to other parents that do their best to fight for their children.  For what is best for them because after all, that is exactly what they deserve....OUR best.   Perfect?  Me?  NO!!  Not in any area of my life but I will say this, each day I work hard to do my best and hopefully this blog will be a testimony of that.  As an early childhood educator / trainer, I have been speaking about the topic of bullying and have shared my son's story....through tears, every week.  It is amazing that even in the mess of what my son has been through, GOD uses it all for good.  Every time I share his story, others are moved to tears and without fail, his story brings new stories, from others that feel called to share.  The pain my son has gone through has been a gift in some ways.  It has given courage to others to share their story and find their own peace.  It is bringing awareness to some that have chosen not to see.  I look forward to sharing the good "stuff" in the coming weeks, but first, how did we even get here????

So, where to start?  I guess the beginning....only MY beginning is not the same as my child's.  You see for me, it all started one Tuesday evening at a football game, as I pushed my littlest one in her stroller, supervised two of my other children and did my best to watch yet another of my children play football.  In all of this normal madness that is my life, my world seemed to stop as my youngest son began to cry and share his story.

I was not prepared for what I was about to hear and the more he spoke, giving the details of what had been happening to him, I found myself feeling anger, anxiety and an overwhelming sadness.  How, as a mother that works hard to know....really KNOW my children, each as unique and wonderful, did I not know what was happening to him?   As a mom, my purpose is to love, teach, nurture and protect them.....I felt like somehow I had failed him.

So what happened to him?  Surely, at this point, you would like to know so.............here it goes.  I have decided to be as graphic as necessary to give an accurate portrayal of what my son has endured. (you have officially been warned) 

My son....a 7th grade, AVERAGE kid who dresses, acts, and looks no different than most every child in his Junior High, was chosen as the target of relentless bullying that quickly escalated to what by law is defined as sexual assault.  About 3 weeks into the school year, on almost a daily basis in his PE class, he was a victim.  Not a peer, not a student, not a KID just trying to get changed in the locker room so that he could get to his next class.  NOPE, he was a victim.  This particular PE class was primarily 8th grade students with only my son and 3 other 7th graders.  By nature, picking on and teasing from older to younger children is common, but this group of boys took on a pack mentality as they humiliated my child for weeks before he finally broke his silence and told.

Initially, he was being taunted, called gay slurs, would have his locker slammed on him or personal belongings stolen, but this quickly turned into something even worse.  These boys....some days one or two, some days many of them, would hold him down while another would rub their "private" areas on his face and say vile, disgusting things.  He has also been held down, kicked and spit on.  The shame of WHY was he chosen?  The fear of what else could happen, kept him from telling.  When he finally opened up, he seemed free again with the weight lifted.  This was only temporary however as we quickly realized you can't just "get over" something like this.  It has changed him....forever.

After many trips to the school, who by the way does not dispute what happened or the gravity of the situation, STILL only sent 2 boys to ISS (in school suspension) for 3 days....we were told because my son could not name anyone else, they could not punish them.  WOW!  Really?  At that time, my primary focus was for my son to feel safe in school so as a result, they moved him from this class.  To this day, my stomach is still sick when I think of what little action was taken.  How can we expect better?  How can we expect change if we don't hold others accountable?  I realize now that change is in order and I will do all I can to be an advocate for such change, praying God opens doors for me to use what's happened for good.  For a bigger purpose.   Maybe this blog is one of those doors........stay tuned.